I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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