eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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