it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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