some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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