just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
