Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
