He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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