yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
