well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
