The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
