we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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