ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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