He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
