I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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