I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
