Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
