is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
