the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
