i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
