Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
