I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I love having hate sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
