wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
