I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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