I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
