Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
