You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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