i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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