and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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