Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
