So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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