How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
