So drunk its hurt
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
