I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
