names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
