my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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