I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
