I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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