I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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