Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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