"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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