Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
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