I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
