I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
