Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
