I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
