It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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