I feel like I'm in dance class right now
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We had to coat check the pizza.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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