I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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