Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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