I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
