a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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