Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
