glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
