You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
