i don't like sucking hair
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
