Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
