so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
